Friday, February 10, 2012

A Time To Rest...

Just as soon as I make plans - something happens that throws them out of whack.

Few things about me:
I'm a planner.
I love lists.
I love to check things off a list.
I love to plan a party.
I love for parties to go as planned.

God started showing me a few year ago that I was so wrapped up in planning the party and stressing about things going as planned that I was unable to actually ENJOY THE PARTY. Not something I enjoyed hearing but it was SO TRUE.

I didn't want to be a Martha - all up in the kitchen, frazzled about the details and unable to enjoy my company.

I wanted to be a Mary - sitting down to enjoy the ones I took time to invite into my home in the first place.

Allowing God to change my heart in this area changed everything. It's not that what Martha was doing was unimportant - I believe she had a servant's heart - she just lost focus of what was MORE IMPORTANT. She let worry and anxiety about everything being "just right" for Jesus and His disciples distract her. And Jesus called her out on it.

I guess you could say Jesus called me out on it too...through my husband's wise counsel. :)

Few more things about me:
I have the gift of hospitality.
I love to cook a good meal for someone.
I love to make it special in some way.
I enjoy serving others in that way.
A fun party to me is in the smallest details - that's my way of making it special for those who attend.

I've been wanting to spend special time with Amelia before Sydney arrives. I'm so excited for her to be a big sister and yet I have this need to soak up our last few weeks of her being an only child. I want to make the most of every minute - right down to forgetting the laundry for a bit and doing simple things like coloring together.

One of the things we've been so excited about is her Valentine party. We picked everything out together. She even picked out a lot of things on her own. I've laughed at the things she says she needs at the party. She has talked about this party for months. She knows every single guest that received an invite and talks about them every day. I love to hear her say, "is today my balentine party?"

One day she'll pronounce her V's and talk like the rest of us...I see no need to correct's too cute hearing her talk right now.

We were running errands yesterday morning (for the Valentine party) and I started having some major abdominal pain. The pain brought me to tears and lasted for a few hours. I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon and they ended up checking me into L&D to run more tests for preeclampsia. They made me stay the night.

Couple of things about today:
Amelia's Valentine party was today.
We had to reschedule it.
Party didn't go as planned.

Old Martha made an appearance and I had a mini-meltdown.
I got distracted and started getting anxious...worrying about the details.

Worrying that Sydney would arrive before she was ready. Worrying Amelia would be heartbroken and think I'm a liar because this is the 2nd party in her short life that we've talked about for months and didn't go as planned.

I was sent home this afternoon and I'm officially on bed rest until Sydney arrives. We started steroids to prepare and we're praying my body will cooperate so Sydney can stay put for a couple more weeks.

After a little minute (or 24 hours) I realized:
It doesn't matter that Amelia's Valentine party will take place three days after Valentine's Day. She just wants to eat cake and have friends over to play.

I also realized:
My sweet Sydney is God's child, not my own. He will take the very best care of her.

How many times over will I have to learn that lesson? I can't even tell you how many times He has reminded me of this.

Not knowing exactly what my body is going to do can be terribly frustrating.
Not being able to care for my husband & daughter in every way makes me sad.
Not being able to cook for my family is something I already miss.
Not being able to wash my own laundry is terribly humbling.
Not being able to go to the store to run a quick errand is a bummer.

But I'm choosing to give my worries/anxiety to God. Because all worry/anxiety does is take my focus off Him and I start trying to handle it all on my own.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

After my reading this afternoon, I also realized I must find ways to be thankful during this time.

Something I'm thankful for today:
I'm thankful that I'm not having to spend these next several weeks in the hospital (which my doctor will totally do if I don't cooperate) and can rest at home with Amelia.

He requires one thing of simply surrender it all to make Him the center of my every day surrender my worries/anxiety to Him on a daily basis.

“My strength is not found in how intensely I struggle...but in how completely I surrender.” -Ken Gire in Intense Moments with the Savior-

I WILL FIND JOY in this time of rest.

Love to all,


Hillary said...

I think a Balentine party can happen any day of the year! :) we don't care when it is. Praying Sydney is able to stay nice and cozy where she is at!
God has got this! And He cares about Amelia's party too! :)

Rikki said...

I've been so worried about you all day!!!! I texted Hillary to check on you and she told me you went home! God has you right where you need to be. I went through all the same emotions when I was pregnant with Lauren and landed myself on hospital bedrest for 14 days after "failing" home rest! :( you are an incredible mom and wife and I will be praying for you and Baby Sydney!!! :)

Kym J said...

Jill, Saying prayers for you each day, that you and the baby will be safe. You are and always have been such a sweet person! Your family is lucky and blessed to have you. Hope your feeling well, and are able to make the best of this short time.

Immeasurably More Mama said...

I agree with Hilary. A "Balentine Party" can happen anytime! It's all about celebrating love and frienships so that works all year. :) I know this is all disappointing but it sounds like you have a good perspective on things. Praying for you, friend!

Betsy said...

Awwww...I know just how you feel Jill! I was on bed rest with L & L for 2 months and I had a 4 yr old and an 15 month old! It was hard but God worked out all the details. And He will for you too! Try to relax and don't stress! xoxo

Linda Lou Rogers Averitt said...

I know this is so hard adn I am thankful you are such a good mommy to both your babies, I pray you fine the one on one time with Mill and just let others serve you:) I love you sweetie

Sarah said...

Jill - this is your time to let others serve and help you! I pray that there will be many people who will step forward and help you out so that you can rest and Sydney can stay just where she needs to for as long as possible. I was very moved by this post because I think I struggle with the same thing....being still and letting God have my anxiety and worry....after all, HE has it all planned out far better than I do. So why do I keep trying to plan out my life? I can really relate to what you shared. Sending prayers for your time of bedrest. And, Amelia's party will bring her great joy whenever it happens. Hugs to you!

Michelle Shuck said...

Praying for you & sweet Sydney that she stays put until its the perfect time for her arrival & that your worry and anxiety will turn to peace & calm!!

bb said...

Hugs Mama and Happy Balentine's Day!!!!

Stay put, Baby Girl!!

Sara said...

Hang in there - and Sydney, stay put!
I hadn't checked your blog in a while and didn't realize you didn't have a good 32 week appt. I know how hard it is to be on bedrest - can't imagine doing it with a 2 year old. But Amelia will be a nice distraction in these weeks ahead as you rest - and wait.

andreajennine said...

Been praying for you and Sydney. Will keep doing so! And I'll add prayers for lots of extra grace for Amelia, too.

Jen said...

Take care of those baby girls and we will all take care of you. I kind of like the idea of having the party after Valentine's day - it just extends the celebration time. Love you!

Whitney said...

Praying for you and Sydney!! Take care of those precious girls... I am excited to meet Sydney when she is ready.

Faith said...

Been praying for y'all! Love you girls. Hope you have been obeying the Dr.'s orders =)

Mazzy said...

I am a BIG FAT MARTHA. ALL THE TIME. I struggle with the details. I love that expression "the devil is in the details" because HE IS. He loves to bog us down with worry over the things that matter the least in the grand scheme of things.

I am so glad you found some rest in all of this. She WILL have her party, the amazing thing about those little ones is they don't know the difference in days and such. I have to really pray over my soul to not be so crazy and obsessed about perfection because when I do those things? I SEE THEM PASSING ON TO my daughter(s) and I don't want them to have the same hang-ups I do. Let them be Marys!