Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Motherhood is...

Over the last few weeks I've found motherhood to be quite challenging.  Amelia is at an age where she is really expressing herself.  She's showing that strong will and in turn, I'm finding lots of teachable moments throughout our days together.   Lots of instruction going on up in here!

1 Timothy 1:5: "But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

Yesterday was one of those days.  I felt very defeated by the end of the day.

I honestly felt as if I had run a marathon. 


On gravel. 

And came in last place. 

I had zero energy left by the end of the day.

I sat in the bathtub and cried.  And then got out and cried some more.

I was trying to explain to Alex how I felt and all I could get out is, "this is my job...these girls are my job...and I feel like I didn't do a great job at being a mom today." He reminded me that it was just one day.  Ya know...that my mom-career isn't over.  I get a second chance tomorrow.  And the day after that.

I'm new at this Mom thing.  I mean, I feel new at it - my girls are 2 years old and 4 months old.  I certainly don't feel like I have the whole parenting thing down.  I'm sure I never will.

I know how to care for my to comfort to spend time with to have fun with to put them first.  These things come easy to me.

It's the discipline part that I'm learning. 

The teaching part. 

The part that is going to determine what kind of big people they grow up to be. 

Kind of a big deal. 

 Hebrews 12:11: "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."  

I certainly don't know how to handle every situation and I find myself overwhelmed some days.  I called my Mom last night and she was encouraging as always.  She reminded me to laugh because what happened yesterday was serious but at the same time funny.  I needed to laugh. 

These two girls aren't expecting me to be perfect.  They just need me to be consistent.  Consistent in love, in my time with them, in discipline, in saying I'm sorry when I'm wrong, etc.  Consistency will create the security they need in their lives. 

1 John 3:18: "Let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."

1 Corinthians 13:13: "But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

I'm finding myself in prayer a lot these days.  I need wisdom.  I need patience.  And then I need more wisdom and patience. :)  God knows my heart.  I just love them so much and I don't want to screw them up. (LOL)

Motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had, yet it's the greatest job I've ever had.

I'm thankful for this job.  I prayed to have this job for many years.  It's a precious gift.

Love to all,


Joannah said...

It is a tough job! Michaela isn't in need of much discipline yet, but I know how exhausting that aspect of being with kids is from being in the classroom. We call it "management" in the classroom. Ha!

You are right to seek the Lord for patience and wisdom. I hope today is a much better day.

Cheryl said...

What a wonderfully honest post. This job is not easy and some days are definitely more challenging than others. Having a toddler and a newborn is a juggling act some days. It is such a blessing to be the mother of girls but it is also a lot of pressure to teach them and guide them. Hang in there! Your girls are precious and it's because you are an AMAZING mommy!!!

Lauren & Eddie said...

Oh, I needed to hear this today. It is not for the weak. Mothering is tough stuff. I know you and I are in the same season of life right now. It's full of so much joy and so much stress. Thanks for this post. :)

Whitney said...

Jill, you are a great mom!! And... Your girls know that. :) you should check into reading some "love and logic" parenting styles. It works great. Jen has started it and she is starting to see great results. Just a thought.

Courtney said...

I just wrote the Hebrews scripture on our kitchen chalkboard because I had forgotten it and its significance has a parent is off.the.charts. What a great post you wrote. Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who has 'bad' parenting days! I hope today is better.

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I am actually right there with you these days. And just like you, it's the discipline and such that I'm struggling with. I also have a hard time showing E Jesus through me when I'm so frustrated that I know I'm not being a good person. It's tough. It really, really is. But you're right, prayer is just about the only way we'll get through it!

Sara said...

It sure is tough, huh? The discipline part is the absolute hardest for me. My girl is 3 years old and oh-so-independent. We are very similar, which means we butt heads a lot.

I am sure you are doing a wonderful job! You have two beautiful girls and like your husband said - it's only one day. Every day is a fresh start!